I Keep Asking Myself

I ask myself why I feel this way.... When I already know the answer. I keep telling myself I am okay, there is always tomorrow, tomorrow I will change things. But wait.... What is tomorrow never comes. "I want to live a life worthy of Your calling" I don't feel, no, I know I am not living that life. I keep on falling in to the same sins over and over again. And what is worse, I let myself all back in to those sins.

I am not going to go in to detail of all that is going on. But I will give you some time lines. At the age 13I started going my own way. I knew I was doing wrong, but self got the best of me. Well when I was about 16 I started seeing things in a different light, I got down on my knees before a ever holy God, and pleaded for forgiveness. And still today I struggle with some of the SAME sins. I will go cold turkey and stay as far away from any thing that will even a little bit lead me down the wrong path. But time and time again I have to come back and bring me sins to the cross. I know what I am suppose to do. But sin is so sweet {for a season}. And I have only been going my for a short time and, I already feel so tired, bitter, and so far from the only one I have ever truly loved.

Lord!!!!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!!