Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Every Time I Think I Am Over You, You Come Back And Remind Me I Am Not

Why does this have to hurt so much???

You might be reading this and think, she is being a drama queen, she is over reacting, she is being stupid and does not know what hurting really is.

Well maybe I am being all these things and don't know what hurt really is. But in my life this is a big deal. This is me hurting over someone I gave my heart to for the first time. Someone I loved, and love still today.

I cant even remember how long it has been since I last sow you, but I can still remember all the fun, sweet times we had together. I can still remember your warm hugs. And it makes me want to cry, because I know we can never be together.
"If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will"

I read this quote the other day and it really is so true when it comes to falling in love or loving someone.
"Love is like grass, If you fall on it, it may leave a stain and some temporary pain. But you'll get over the pain, it will eventually stop hurting. Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there. And with time, it will begin to fade, but it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell"
I feel so confused about every thing right now, but at the same time I know what I am doing. And I know what I am doing is for the best. Its all a bunch of mix emotions that I don't like having in my life. Ugh how I feel makes me think of another quote by Plato.
"have you even been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can you get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. Its the soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
I don't agree with all of what he says in this. But I kind of feel this way right now. I know that I am going to find someone who I love more then I thought I ever could love someone and we will live a life together. And I am also trying to be content being young and single! Who says you have to be with someone {a guy} to make you happy. I am so happy right now, I have my Lord and Savor {who I am growing closer to everyday}, my family, and my friends. I am trying to take time to get closer to Jesus and get my mind and heart in check.

I am not really sure what I am trying to say in this post, I guess I am trying to just write down my thoughts. My heart just feels like it is in pieces and I am not 100% sure how to put it back together.

Lord please give me peace, Put my heart back together and heal me. Grow me stronger as a Christian, a woman and a person. I want to be so in love with You. I want people to see the joy I have because You saved me. Amen!

{Ely Sue}


  1. i love you so so much, and i think that was a really good post. its good to get your thoughts out! i cant wait to see you!!

  2. I love you too darling! Thanks! I cant wait for you to get home, and I can see your beautiful face! <3 <3 <3